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Back in 1987, the original Street Fighter game took to the arcades from Capcom.  You play as the young fighter Ryu, who goes around the world looking to fight opponents that are willing to fight.  In England you fight Birdie (who by the way turns into a BLACK PERSON in the alpha series) and Eagle (who is actually gay).  In Hong Kong you fight Gen (some old dude that trained Chun Li’s father) and Lee (some fat ass).  In America you fight Joe (some white guy), and you fight Mike ( who if you pay attention to the Japanese versions of the later games, he is actually M. Bison, aka Boxer, aka Balrog if you play the American versions).  You also fight a bunch of other people that dont matter, except for Sagat and Adon in Thailand.  This game actually sucked balls, but it gave Capcom incentive enought to create possibly the greatest fighting game of all time, Street Fighter 2.

Street Fighter 2 took arcades by storm when it came out in 1991.  It had simple controls, sweet characters, and you can see Chun Li’s panties when she did her fireball.  Capcom eventually started to milk this fucking game for all that it was worth.  There are SIX official different releases of the game, and they are ALL different.  Casual players wouldn’t notice the changes, but the pros do.  There were also clones of the game created as well.  Rainbow Edition always makes me laugh.  But with shitty clones of a popular game, there are sure to be shitty cartoons and movies as well.

This is the part where you either laugh, cry, or get extreeeemely pissed off.  Capcom eventually went on to allow a live action movie to be made after the game.  Starring Jean Claude van Damme as Guile, and a whole bunch of other shitty actors, they proceeded to DESTROY this movie.  They pretty much took the characters and dumped then in the toilet.  Since when were Ryu and Ken THIEVES.  Since when was Balrog a traitor to Bison and becomes a good guy? And, lets be realistic, Ryu looked TOO asian in this movie.  I mean, I know he is Japanese in the game, but he doesnt look like fuckin Bruce Lee (and the character that DID look like Bruce Lee, Fei Long, was omitted so they can put a character in that WASNT IN THE GAME!)  Also, why did they pick Van Damme to be Guile?

vandamme guile

sftm_ryu_looking_decidedly_victoriousryu_test_pallette_v1_psd_jpgcopy

Riiiiiiight.

It doesnt stop their either.  They also thought it was a FANTASTIC idea to make a cartoon for this game as well.  I don’t even want to talk about the show, as it had the most HORRENDOUS animation that I had ever scene.  Also, Guile goes CRAZY with the amount of sonic booms that he throws.  These videos can only describe how bad it was…

And it STILL doesn’t end there.  This newest movie with Chun Li is something I refuse to see unless I downloaded it.  One, Kristin Kreuk isn’t even ASIAN!!!!!!( Well she is a little Asian)  So for the last movie, they get someone that is too Asian, and for this one she isnt Asian enough.  I heard their were some good fight scenes, but too bad they can’t make a good movie.

street-fightert-chun-li-movie-09chun-li

Capcom doesn’t even give a fuck either.  A PR guy was quoted as saying, “Critics were unkind to the first Street Fighter movie as well, but that film has been ridiculously profitable for Capcom over the last decade. The original SF movie still generates millions of dollars in royalties for Capcom every year, thanks to cable, foreign distribution, home video, DVD and Blu-ray sales.”

Really, who would want to even BUY that awful movie!

I am pretty much at my last straw with these dudes, and I am just going to give up pretty soon here.  Like, why does the network suck ASS this semester?  I remember at the beginning of the year, watching youtube videos was seemingly a breeze.  Now, watching youtube videos can be a nightmare(though it has gotten better).

My biggest problem however is how they ass raped the ports needed to connect to xbox live.  Kids were patiently waiting to download their demos to Halo Wars, only to find that it would eventually take DAYS, or maybe WEEKS to download the fucker.  Its totalllly not fair for them to do this.

It is also ass for them to try and say that the xbox counts as another machine, and that you have to pay for another connection.  Also, routers are completely illegal.  Let me get this straight now.  I can’t SHARE the connection that I PAID FOR with my other shit?  Its fuckin BULLLLLLLLSHIT!  Imagine if your internet operator told you that you had to have a separate internet connection for all of the computers in your house.  Imagine if your phone people you needed a different phone line for each phone you have in your house.  Or even better yet, imagine if you were forced by the government to have a room for every person that lives in your house.  I bet you wont be having large families anymore.

I also think that clean access agent is a STUPID idea that needs to die.  While it sounded novel at first, it has now turned into a nightmare that annoys the piss out of me.  You randomly get booted off and then have to sign back in, and it makes it a FOR SURE way to know that you dont have multiple computers on the network.

My case in point is, I paid for the fuckin line, let me use it how I damn well please you nickel and diming cocksuckers!!

Fuck Fedex and I say it with authority.  I am DEAD fucking serious when I say that too.  These cocksuckers LOST my shit and had the audacity to not contact me about it after I called the first time.  Seriously Fedex, eat a dick.

I knew shit was gonna go wrong when I recieved the tracking info.  When it said Fedex was delivering it, I just knew I was in trouble.  They NEVER update their tracking info and it pisses me off.  It will say that something was sitting somewhere for days, and then as if they have santa working overtime, the package magically arrives at A MILLION destinations in literally a day.  Is it really that hard to update your info?  We live in an era with computers.

I called them about it last week and they had NO idea of where my shit was.  Told me they would call back next week.  They completely just said “fuck that nigger” and never called me back.  I called back today(this package was supposed to be here LAST THURSDAY!)  and they tell me that I should put a claim on it.  That is going to take a looong time now for me to get SOME of the money back because of their fuck up.

Fedex is a shitty service that needs to die.  Don’t ever send me anything through fedex either, I will prolly eat your children faster than Mike Tyson bit Hollyfields ear off.